Blue screen of death

Hey when the tv isn’t working the way it should be, let’s make it a bright blinding blue color. – some guy at Sony

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Turkey club

Thanks for the turkey club sandwich. Was this meant for an alligator to eat this thing or what?
What makes you think I enjoy breaking my jaw?


Marshall’s outfit

I’m wearing a purple sweater and light gray pants. Do I look like a 40 year old woman that’s going to a school play?


Just about to relax and then!

You’re exhausted and you lay in bed and get all comfy and your eyes get heavy and then you’re like, shoot did I forget to take my kid outta the dryer?


Blasphemous rumors

I don’t need a bad rumor for people to look at me funny


Drunk at work

Some people get angry when they drink, but for those who get happy, they should be able to drink at work. Here’s to getting slammed before happy hour.


Moving trucks and hauling out

Don’t have any friends? Get a pickup truck.