Monthly Archives: October 2011

Rihanna Named Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive. But do we need the word “alive” in this sentence?

I highly doubt there are many dead sexy people. Omgz did you see how hot that dead guy was? That guy is alive AND sexy. It’s like an unneeded word (so is “like”). This reminds me of Brian Reagan’s comedy bit about the “new baby”. Are there any old babies?

Well good for Rihanna. They should say “of the year” because they don’t stay sexy for two years. Remember when Tom Cruise was the sexiest man alive? That’s ridiculous. I could drink 34 shots of whiskey and still not believe that.

I’ll have to elaborate a little more later 🙂


Is it really necessary to text “K”? NO. Stop it. Bad.

It’s really unneeded. It’s like throwing a cherry in your whiskey. Why bother? Some people say “I do it cuz I’m lazy.” Well, save some steps and do not do it at all. Why don’t you text “uh huh” as I am sending you 3 messages at a time? Some people do not have unlimited texting plans. Saying nothing is so much better. I’ll get those smilie faces too. Those are less annoying and the person probably doesn’t know how to respond. They’re just being sweet. When people say “K”  I just feel like they’re being rude and short with me. LOL. LMAO.

Hold onto your youth.

When you get older you’re going to be really ugly.

This is for all the vain people out there. Lay a mirror flat on a table, look down at it and tell me what sags. you fill in the blanks.

No one wants to get old man. Plastic surgery and botox are not the answer. I think I remember a Golden Girls episode where Dorthy I think tells Blanche to look at a mirror that’s laid flat on the table. I could be mixing one of the two up, but it’s true! Try it out Palin…. I mean everyone that was in a beauty pageant that thinks they are intelligent. Read  a book, not just the whiskey labels in your boyfriends liquor cabinet.

Eating contests. Because that makes sense.

Why do eating contests exist? Why don’t we move eating contests to Somalia. (This is off topic, but that fat guy that used to be in the commercials with all the poor, skinny, hungry children asking for donations) like, he was fat & had no right being there. I hope he fed them. Feeling hungry is annoying.

Can you imagine eating over 100 chicken wings? Would you ever want to eat ONE again after that? & who can eat more than 2 hot dogs? People are either dying, getting very ill, being rushed to the hospital for AN EATING CONTEST. With your help, donate now & we can stop this. Hi. I’m Gerri Sanderson, with your help we can stop people from eating too much for money that they will never get to spend because they will die after eating 56 donuts. I want gastroparesis!

There should not be a curry eating competition ever. How did we go from eating pie to spicy, curry chili! People actually train for this type of thing. “Hey, honey, what are you doing tonite? Wanna get dinner? No, hun I gotta do my training, you know I gotta do it babe, for the team. The next contest doesn’t allow chipmunking.” Take a look at a few of these:

‘Killer’ curry eating competition lands two contestants in hospital after downing ‘hottest chili’

You know you always wanted to eat cockroaches!! Let’s see how many you can eat!

When Joey Chestnut won the hot dog eating contest.

The famous Black Widow and her Buffalo chicken wings.

But when you don’t win…………..doesn’t that suck???!!!!!!!!! Why bother? Was it worth it jeopardizing your health for THAT? Gaining a few pounds? Passing out? Throwing up (my personal favorite)? Can you imagine? “Oh man, I didn’t win. Shooooot.”

When I’m eating normally, I soak my food in whiskey, that way it goes down much easier. You learn something new everyday.