I wish I had a magnet to remind me every day how much life is good
OMG I am gonna wear the sparkliest shirt I have and the biggest heals ever. I want guys to notice me for the person I am inside.
Wow, did you see that girl with the sparkles? She must have her head on her shoulders and a great chiropractor.
This poor girl felt faint and hot and almost passed out. Could it have been from the low air conditioning at Target? Well, come home, put something frozen on your head and maybe that will help solve the heat wave feeling. Bring on the vertigo as long as there is bacon. Put on DIIV’s “Air Conditioning”, too, you know, for a complete theme.
They need an infomercial for sippy cups for adults. Show a husband and wife sleeping and he has to get up for a glass of water and the wife gets all pissed because he woke her up. If he had a sippy cup under his pillow he wouldn’t have to get up, BUT WAIT CALL NOW AND YOU GET TWO!
Excuse me young parents but do not post on Facebook that you are bored. You have kids. How is life boring with kids? Because you have your mom watch them all day? Good for you. Have you seen what kids do? It’s not boring. Use birth control next time and Twitter.
It never gets easier stealing vans on Saturday mornings. Thank god for towels and duct tape.
Sometimes you’re watching tv while eating a delicious sandwich that would fall apart if you let it down. You realize you’ve got the wrong reality show on and you’re either too lazy to grab a napkin or you don’t want to get the remote greasy. And then someone says boy I wish I had your problems and ruins it.